55,000 comments!*

*sigh

If only. I had posted that pandemic freak-out and just left it, without considering the comments or anything, and didn’t check it for 2 years…oops. Well, sort of, if any of you out there have worked with wordpress you know it’s just an annoyance unless you really screwed up, because none of them ever saw publication and now I’ve got to go through and manually delete them one page at a time. Someday.

I know I haven’t done anything fancy here, honestly it’s a place holder and repository and place to at least air my thoughts to the public without having to deal with twitter or editing or anything else. The 4th of July is Monday and I’m in Astoria to find a job I can deal with, and reshooting some clips for my pilot RAB video. I’m not really happy with everything I shot last week but this editing software – Da Vinci – is powerful enough to remedy some of the stuff I don’t like. Half of the problem, though, is just me feeling weird about being on camera. All of the things I say sound great in my head in my head voice but when I try to get it out and not sound like a toolbag, I’m not so confident. Eventually, I’m told, you get used to it, but this is probably why most projects have the talent – me – and an editor. But I’m going solo because that’s how to really earn it, right?

I spent most of last week in Portland and made the obligatory stop at John’s Marketplace, since I was in the area, and I have to say I was happy to see some changes up front. The focus was more on the grill and burgers and sit-down dining that I had enjoyed previously, albeit now at a higher price (time marches on). Still, I doubt there are many better places in southwest Portland to grab a draft beer and chow a tasty burger while you stroll through towering isles of craft and imported beer. The featured breweries represent some of the best in the PNW and the coolers are stocked with plenty of singles and packs to-go and definitely not crack open as soon as you get to your car (it was 100 fucking degrees out that day, get bent OLCC).

It’s the beer, stupid

I’m trying to focus on getting the media work done and since I don’t have a hard deadline for any of that it’s easy to want to grab a sixxer and get sloshy instead of keeping my mind sharp. Anxiety and depression have been partners of mine since I can remember, as a child, so that’s hard to manage when you’re also self-medicating and almost out of your illicitly-aquired but legitimately-used xanax. It’s incredibly easy to fall into a twitter hole or dig through youtube for distractions when the pressure to get something done makes you feel all floaty, but no matter what you distract yourself with you still feel the anxiety so you medicate and…still don’t get anything done. Science tells me that there are toxins that jam your sleep cycle, flooding your brain as it chews through the booze…but it’s hard to get to sleep in the first place when your mind spins from thoughts you can’t control. Over the years I’ve learned to keep the thoughts from turning darker, most of the time, with the use of cannabis and booze, because once I turn the devices off and have to spend time in my brain alone I’m prone to think about everything. Anything. All night. And the cycle has ran on for decades now.

I’ve had to examine this whole industry and my relation to it over and over again as the years have gone by and I’ve spent increasing amounts of money on increasingly expensive craft beer. This blog was something I could’ve and should’ve done a decade or more ago but the struggle to keep myself alive made it hard to purge the noise and focus on my creative side. I’ve got dozens of short stories and unfinished novellas, I guess, mostly science fiction, all stored away on the cloud somewhere because I’ve had too many close calls with old hard drives. But I was always passionate about beer once I learned it could be more than yellow piss water, something I’ve said since the turn of this century.

Soo…back to the city, then?

Haaa yeah if it were that easy. The jobs are there, but my stuff is on the coast. It’s comfortable out here, even though some days I absolutely hate it. There is ONE ROAD through all of the area, and every asshat dickweed tourist and local knows it, and you can never get past them to get where you’re going. My other project is automotive related and it’s an understatement to say I enjoy driving, for the most part, even in a giant SUV like the one I tow my RV with. I fit in out here, but I am a wolf in sheep’s clothing behind the wheel. Follow me on my other project to know more about that stuff…it ties in to my other existence in the beer world, though, as I did a stint delivering craft beer and wine in the PNW and it was delightful, except for the driving part. If you drive in Oregon, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LEFT LANE WHEN YOU’RE DONE PASSING. It is the law, and delivery drivers want to stab you in the face a hundred times for every second you pace that car in the right lane instead of getting over. Most of them would never say it, though, which is why I have that other project. Some of us are truly crazy about our car stuff.

The point is, though, that I took that delivery job seriously because I believed in the products and the mission to deliver fresh beer to people who wanted it. I still do. I love talking to the distro guys, because they know all the details. A good driver is observant and aware and when you make a dozen stops at bars and taprooms and bottle shops you can see what’s popular, what’s new, what’s been sitting in the back corner for months. The stuff you might find in Eugene at Bier Stein could be radically different than the stuff at Beer Mongers in Portland on the same day, even if they were from the same breweries. I wasn’t paid much at the time, so I couldn’t try even a fraction of the stuff I had wanted to. I’m not sure where I’m headed, exactly, but I WILL be making beer again in the very near future, even if I’m not working at a brewery in some capacity. Dumb video to follow, lol. If everything works out, I’ll be visiting breweries and bottle shops around the country, but that’s still a future dream. I’ll need help to get there, too.

RANDOM STUFF…sorta

The reason I was in Portland last week was initially to attend a Prof concert. He’s a white boy from Minny who raps about coming up from the bottom, so nothing new really – but I’ve been a huge fan of his for 7 or 8 years. He’s got a great energy and has legit bounced back from some things that might have wrecked the average schmoe. Like myself. He has embraced his creative passion and is now extremely successful, with his last album hitting the charts pretty high (Powderhorn Suites from Stophouse Records). The last time I saw him was a few months after I’d been hit by a car on my bike in ’18, the same day I was formally evicted from my rented room by the courts (illegal evictions suck) – so there’s some history. You could say I was excited for this show…but the energy was really weird. There were people staking out floor space during the 1st act, and some other weird crap going on, like some people haven’t been let out of the basement often enough to be socialized.

I have some other thoughts about insecure dudes and their girlfriends staying home but I’d like to steer myself away from that and talk about STONE BREWING COMPANY. haha that’ll be another post soon. Got ya! I’ve got to get editing and get out and shoot some more clips so if you’re in the Astoria area over the 4th weekend, keep an eye out for some nerd typing feverishly in the corner of Bridge & Tunnel. Don’t you dare talk to me about beer though, because once I get started I WILL NOT STOP. Because, goddammit, I’M RIGHT ABOUT BEER!